I saw my spiritual director today. I told him about all the ministry opportunities I can see developing. He insists that it is up to me to choose a path--that God gave me free will and I should use it! I, on the other hand, want to think that God has a particularly job for me, and that if I will do that job, then God will honor my efforts with success and happiness. And that when I am not "successful" (whatever that means!), it simply means that I have not been obedient and not done what God wants me to do. And if I want to be successful and have a powerful ministry, then all I have to do is to figure out what God wants me to do.
I realize that this is a very infantile way of relating to God, and I realize that I am waaaaay too old to be carrying this kind of relationship with God in my heart. But dang it--I wish life with God worked this way!!! I don't want to grow up!!!!!
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