the voice of my beloved

This Sunday the lectionary actually includes a text from Song of Solomon! The church ignores this book--it is good to have a chance to preach out of it. About 15 years ago, it began to be the fashion to decry the "allegorizing" of the eroticism in this book. For most of the history of the church, it has been described as a love scene between Christ and the church, or Christ and the Christian. In an attempt to reclaim sexuality, some authors have insisted that it is actually speaking of two lovers (married? not? who knows?), with a celebration of the erotic aspect of love. These authors deride the allegory, saying it is just another attempt to "spiritualize" sex.

And this Sunday I will probably talk a bit about how it has been interpreted through the ages. (who knows what its original intent was! some historical-critical questions can't be answered). But the bulk of my sermon will be on how a major theme in mysticism is erotic mysticism (or bridal mysticis)--that in some way, communion with God is so very erotic, and yes, very sensual.

Some people look at Teresa of Avila and scoff as some of her descriptions of her interactions with "His Majesty" (as she likes to call God). These writers like to point out how Teresa is "obviously" sublimating intense sexual feelings. These authors have clearly never had a genuine encounter with God with erotic overtones. In my experience, spirituality and sexuality can be next door neighbors--I daresay they share some of the same neuronal pathways. And why not? Consolations and the like are spiritual experiences that are in some way similar to physical experience. Erotic mysticism is another valid expression of God's closeness--not something generated by our psyche. What is peculiar about all of this kind of talk is that you don't have the foggiest idea what it means until you have had the experience.

Having said all of that, it also seems to me such experience is more commonly found in beginning mystics. It is always dicey--trying to talk about development in contemplatives and mystics. God dances with us in so many different ways. Nonetheless, in my own experience, erotic mystical experience was more common during my spiritual awakening than it is now.

Free will and God's will

I saw my spiritual director today. I told him about all the ministry opportunities I can see developing. He insists that it is up to me to choose a path--that God gave me free will and I should use it! I, on the other hand, want to think that God has a particularly job for me, and that if I will do that job, then God will honor my efforts with success and happiness. And that when I am not "successful" (whatever that means!), it simply means that I have not been obedient and not done what God wants me to do. And if I want to be successful and have a powerful ministry, then all I have to do is to figure out what God wants me to do.

I realize that this is a very infantile way of relating to God, and I realize that I am waaaaay too old to be carrying this kind of relationship with God in my heart. But dang it--I wish life with God worked this way!!! I don't want to grow up!!!!!